i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
