i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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