Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
