so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
