Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
