shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
