ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
