Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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