Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
