Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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