Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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