Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
