Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So squirting runs in the family.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
