i just google imaged poop.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
