i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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