shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
