i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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