just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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