I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize