that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
are you so shy because you have an std?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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