This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
