I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
