Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
