So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
