everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
