Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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