Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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