mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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