Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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