Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
