My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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