well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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