Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
