he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
