I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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