Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize