Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
