I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
