my phone needs a breathalizer
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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