About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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