thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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