So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think your dad took our porno
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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