I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
