Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
