everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
