I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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