Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
