K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
