Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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