well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
