I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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