how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize