Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
