My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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