hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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