Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
