You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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