New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pants are for mortals
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
