clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
