I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
