I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
